"Step into the void and a net will appear."
– Anonymous
Successful culture teaches leaders and its members how to effectively surface discord or disagreement and initiate conflict resolution, rather than avoiding or accommodating the conflict. Unlike cultures where conflict can be avoided or accommodated in perpetuity, successful cultures function without the obstacles of unresolved or poorly resolved conflict.
Conflict resolution is initiated when one member within the culture confronts another member to resolve a conflict or disagreement. Cultures that encourage or require its members to initiate conflict resolution have members who become more capable communicators, negotiators, and are able to maintain relationships in both their professional and personal lives.
Steps to Initiate Conflict Resolution
Plan a BCE Statement: The first step is to plan a BCE Statement. A BCE Statement stands for Behavior, Consequence, and Experience and contains the following parts:
- Behavior: What you observe
- Consequence: What happens after the behavior
- Experience: What is your emotional experience or feeling
Ensure your statement maintains ownership of the problem. Keep your statement short and do not assign blame. Pick an appropriate time for the confrontation and stick to only one issue at a time.
Present your BCE Statement and look for a kernel of agreement: After you present your BCE statement, allow the other person to respond. Do not proceed until the other party acknowledges that a conflict exists.
Listen for and offer alternative resolutions: First, ask the other person how they believe the conflict can be resolved. If you agree with their resolution, you're done! If not, offer your resolution. If the other party agrees that there is a conflict but wants no part of resolving it, appeal to common goals and mutual and organizational benefits.
Agree to change: Identify and agree on specific actions that both parties will take to resolve the conflict. Discuss and record specific behavior changes necessary by all parties to resolve the conflict.
Always keep in mind that results are more successful if you are using a collaborating style as opposed to a forceful style.
While I am a firm believe that Culture Trumps Everything, individual behaviors and individual responsibility still matter. Too often we create the environment (culture) to which others must respond. Stated differently, as a wise man once said to me: “we prompt our own response.”
The manner in which you respond when someone approaches you with a conflict is critical to successful conflict resolution. Always take responsibility for your behavior during a conflict. Don’t miss the message because of the messenger. Even if the person approaching you with a conflict does not articulate the issue clearly, remain open to listening until you understand and can move towards resolution. In order to resolve conflict, take initiative by applying the following steps.
Steps to Respond to Conflict
Listen and Paraphrase: Listen to what you hear from the person initiating the conflict as the root of the problem. Repeat in your own words what you heard them say using a BCE Statement:
- Behavior: What you observe
- Consequence: What happens after the behavior
- Experience: What is your emotional experience or feeling
Ensure your statement maintains ownership of the problem. Keep your statement short and do not assign blame. Stick to only one issue at a time.
Find the kernel of truth: Find some part of their argument or perspective with which you can agree. This may be challenging but it is a critical step.
Ask for or offer alternative resolutions: First, ask the other person how they believe the conflict can be resolved. If you cannot agree, offer your resolution. Remember to appeal to common goals and mutual and organizational benefits.
Make an agreement to change: Identify and agree on specific actions that both parties will take to resolve the conflict. Discuss and record specific behavior changes necessary by all parties to resolve the conflict.
Whether you are initiating conflict resolutions or responding to someone else’s initiation of it, always keep in mind that results are more successful if you are using a collaborating as opposed to a forceful style.
With whom will you move towards resolving conflict this week? May these steps be helpful and till next time, keep cultivating your culture!